When depression hits, "I'm tired" means a permanent state of exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix. And sleep isn't just sleep anymore - it's an escape, because you can no longer stand the pain of your own existence. As soon as you wake up all you want to do is go back to sleep, to avoid the horror of being conscious.
When depression takes over and I can't push through it, I simply have to close my door and shut the world out. It's the only way I know how to survive. The only thing more exhausting than being depressed is pretending that you're not, and forcing smiles with strength you don't have.
Trapped in this mindstate, you face a constant battle to keep from sinking. Simply existing is a full time job, and just the thought of facing the day feels like broken glass in your soul.
It's difficult, almost impossible, to describe depression to someone who's never truly been there themseleves, because depression isn't sadness... Sadness hurts, yes - but it is a healthy feeling, and it is a necessary thing to feel. Depression is very different. It has nothing to do with having a bad day or being sad; it's about genuinely not wanting to be alive. Kind of like being colorblind and constantly being told how colorful the world is. You just don't belong.
I'm so sick and tired of people misusing the term depression and romanticizing it. Anyone who has actually been there can tell you that there's nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about it. It's fucking torture, slowly squeezing all zest for life out of you. A constant feeling of drowning, desperately fighting to keep your head over water - an exhausting battle between a body that fights to survive and a mind that wants to die.
