There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more painful than anything that bleeds

It all starts with not wanting to get out of bed... That's how you know you're getting bad again, and you just wish you could go back to a time when you could smile and it didn't take everything in you to do it.

When depression hits, "I'm tired" means a permanent state of exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix. And sleep isn't just sleep anymore - it's an escape, because you can no longer stand the pain of your own existence. As soon as you wake up all you want to do is go back to sleep, to avoid the horror of being conscious.

When depression takes over and I can't push through it, I simply have to close my door and shut the world out. It's the only way I know how to survive. The only thing more exhausting than being depressed is pretending that you're not, and forcing smiles with strength you don't have.

Trapped in this mindstate, you face a constant battle to keep from sinking. Simply existing is a full time job, and just the thought of facing the day feels like broken glass in your soul.

It's difficult, almost impossible, to describe depression to someone who's never truly been there themseleves, because depression isn't sadness... Sadness hurts, yes - but it is a healthy feeling, and it is a necessary thing to feel. Depression is very different. It has nothing to do with having a bad day or being sad; it's about genuinely not wanting to be alive. Kind of like being colorblind and constantly being told how colorful the world is. You just don't belong.

- You don't understand depression until you can't stand your own presence in an empty room.

I'm so sick and tired of people misusing the term depression and romanticizing it. Anyone who has actually been there can tell you that there's nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about it. It's fucking torture, slowly squeezing all zest for life out of you. A constant feeling of drowning, desperately fighting to keep your head over water - an exhausting battle between a body that fights to survive and a mind that wants to die.

Human life - existential horror

Ever heard of depressive realism?

- a theory that people suffering from depression may actually have

a more accurate perception of reality than individuals with "healthy" minds.

Compared with so-called healthy individuals, depressives are simply more realistic in their worldview.

Studies have found that people with depression actually score higher on tests of realism,

and that intelligence is positively correlated with mental illness and suicide.

This indicates that if the mind is in a state where it sees reality stripped down for what it truly is,

it's more likely to want to destroy itself... which undoubtedly makes a whole lot of sense, in my opinion.

Human life is existential horror.

I know many tend to lable depressive souls as somewhat crazy or pessimistic...

I prefer the term realist.

Taking pain and turning it into something beautiful, into something that people connect to - that's what good music does

Slik en heroinist skyter goodshiten sin i åra, skyter jeg musikk i sjela.

Hverken terapeuter eller noen former for stimulanter har en dritt å stille opp med

mot ei skikkelig god dose personlig foretrukket musikk.

Musikk er terapi. Det er medisin. Rein rus.

Musikkens særegne evne til å bistå en i å bearbeide følelser

og behage tidvis forstyrra sinnstilstander er intet annet enn unik. 

Noen som utvilsomt har forstått og virkelig mestrer kunsten

å formidle ekte, genuin og mektig musikk rått fra sjela, er Kristopher Schau.
Reine fjernterapeuten right here.